Ever afters

It has been one step forward three steps back – both emotionally and gastronomically. My last blog post didn’t go down too well with some well-wishers. I understand – nobody likes hearing a ‘no’, especially when they think they are helping. So I got a bit of a lashing and words like ‘ungrateful’ and ‘patronising’ didn’t act as the Band-Aid they were probably intended as. I had no hopes of an emotional fix this week but my food soul was craving for some loving. This I could do.

I took the day off from work, dressed in my best Veronica avatar, and made my way to brand new Bar Boulud – Michelin star chef Daniel Boulud’s first London restaurant at the Mandarin Oriental Hyde Park. Best decision of the year.

Bar Boulud is a sexy restaurant. The manager led me to their charcuterie bar designed along an open kitchen. I backed the restaurant and faced a team of 10 very good looking chefs. Absolutely perfect for this single diner who needed a day of nobody else.

I think I had London’s most charming waiter at my service who helped me choose my meal today: I started with the Dégustation de Charcuterie (£14) featuring their signature Pâté Grand Mère of chicken, pork and cognac, and a glass of Hochterrassen Grüner 2008 (£6.50); next was their Piggie Burger (£13.50) with a yummy Achaval Ferrer Malbec 2008 (£10.50); and to end a Gâteau Basque (£6). You know you’ve done Veronica proud if the chef comes over to talk to you. The Executive Chef Dean Yasharian came over and talked to me. It was a perfect meal – the Universe was conspiring to distract me from the most awful week. I try and try and try some more, but don’t know how in the world to stop thinking about the Ex. I also reflected on a question my friend Elie asked me last week. He wanted to know if it was the Ex I missed or the being in a relationship? Hmm….

I don’t ever remember my parents saying, “Let us help you prepare for a life on your own”, or a fairy tale that  didn’t end in “… and they lived happily ever after.”, or a single day when it was better to come home to an empty flat rather than to a hug from someone who truly cared about me. Intellectually I know that there isn’t always someone for everyone, that a lot of people very successfully find their own happy version of an ever after. But that has never been enough for me. How do I now convince myself that it is okay not to want someone who will want to share my life, and allow me to share his?

Today as I reluctantly start talking myself into finding my own happily ever after, you will forgive me for being confused about what I miss.

-p