Baby steps

I was single for four years before I met the Ex. In between one story and the next I moved to London and for the first time was completely responsible for myself. To twist Spiderman’s words slightly, “with great responsibility came great loneliness”. Yes it was my choice; didn’t make it easier though, knowing it was your decision all the way.

When I first moved to London I had to force myself to go out on my own. My first solo trip to the cinema was a traumatic experience and I remember running home even before the end credits started rolling. I’ve come a long way from that trip to Odeon Swiss Cottage. In the last few years I’ve learnt to love the journey of discovering this vibrant city and myself. I used to love hanging out with myself. Just before I met the Ex my favourite Sunday activity used to be a Table for ONE at a lovely new restaurant. Then I met someone and there began a rosy life as a couple. I forgot what it was to spend time with myself and now find myself at the beginning of a long, solitary road I thought I had left behind forever.

I am not looking back. But trying to move forward is very, very hard. Encouraged by the overwhelming feedback to my first blog post and the Bank Holiday sunshine I walked into Hyde Park this morning. What a bad idea! In no time at all I found myself on the path my Ex and I used to frequent when we walked his dog. I am clearly not yet ready to reminisce. The Elephant Parade amuses me for a minute but I had to get out of there.

I needed to be somewhere safe, somewhere that was just mine. 30 minutes later I find myself at Flat White. The relief as I walk into the familiarity of this narrow coffee bar is obvious and I waste no time at all finding myself a seat. As I wait for the sexy barista to bring me my Flattie (£2.50) I put away my iPod, my book, the notebook with ideas for my blog posts, and the phone. I’m safe now and can deal with a cup-of-coffee worth of thoughts. I miss him immediately; I fight the urge to distract myself and instead let myself miss him. Baby steps.


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Filed under Breakfast, Coffee, Deli, London, Soho London

7 responses to “Baby steps

  1. Padmini

    the last bit was the best – cry… let yourself grieve… don’t ever fight it, that’s the worst thing. time will heal, and you’ll be surprised how quickly 🙂
    a short trip out of town, to get away, even for 3 days, to a very new place you’ve never been before, and with a good friend or friends will be very therapeutic!

  2. Hansu

    come back home baby….we love you

  3. Priyankaa

    “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anybody can start today and make a new ending” And you my lovely sister, will have a happy one – I will make sure of it.

  4. jaimal

    never forget YOURSELF and who you are, even when one is in a relationship. A relationship should only ENHANCE who YOU are and not merely validate you.

  5. Grishma

    I love this one.And you write so beautifully…….have to get IBH to publish a book now and I will travel everywhere with you when you become famous.

  6. Rishi Suri

    God’s plans are simple. Its we, who complicate them with our thoughts. Let those thoughts go and clarity will follow. All we have to do is have faith… Keep on keepin on sis… we’re all with you 🙂

  7. bettina

    love it!
    baby steps is all it takes and all you can do at the moment.. although it is a painful process, the good thing is that it can only get better!

    hope to see you around soon, xxx

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